Issues and resolutions

Issues and resolutions:

Student safety: Traffic congestion in CAB, HUB, and V-wing is getting dangerous for the common student. Spanky will install traffic lights in these high traffic areas, and institute a voluntary hall-monitor program. These hall-monitors will be equipped with tasers to get young students moving quickly during class changes. As well, students are concerned about their safety at night on campus. Safewalk will be given tasers and motorized scooters to improve their nightly patrols.

Tuition: The Klein government recently promised to pay for any tuition increases for next year. This is a small victory for this year’s SU. However, tuition at the U of A is still far too high. Spanky proposes we use our nuclear reactor, Slo-poke, to threaten other, smaller Universities into paying us ransom. This money would be used to help lower tuition for our own students.

Food Services: Aramark has had a monopoly on food services at the University for too long. Spanky has lived in Lister – he knows that the food in the caf is less than satisfactory. Spanky proposes the end of Aramark’s tyranny – he will replace all Aramark employees with House Elves. These small, sweet natured creatures just love to cook. Just imagine – no line-ups for dinner anymore – just sit down, look at your plate, and order what you want. Poof – there’s dinner. The best part is that House elves don’t want to be paid – as long as their masters are happy, so are they. This means lower costs – only as much as it takes to buy the food.

PowerPlant: This year’s SU was concerned with revitalizing the Powerplant. However, the Powerplant continues to lose money. Spanky remembers a time when the Plant was THE place to be on a Friday or Saturday night. The constant involvement of the SU in the Plant has been blamed for some of the service issues. Spanky will institute an “Emperor for Life” style of management, with minimal input from the SU. As well, servers will have to undergo a rigorous training program before being hired, to ensure pleasant, prompt service. Also, the shoestring fries will be brought back.

Parking: The price of parking on campus is ridiculous. If you can afford a car, insurance and registration, gas, and you can find a place to park, go for it!

The U-pass: ETS has been dragging its heels when it comes to the U-pass. Spanky thinks an arrangement can be made – ETS will be more than willing to reach an agreement when we threaten to turn Slo-poke loose on them.

School Spirit: School spirit amongst U of A students is dismal. Few students are willing to bleed green and gold. Spanky will remedy this with the replacement of GUBA and Patches with real bears. They will be trained to attack the mascots of rival teams. Nothing brings out school spirit like watching the U of A bears rip apart some guy in a stuffed dino suit.